Seems so perfect...

It seems so perfect right now..we both are passionate about dancing..are hard working. Make each other smile. So loving ...it looks perfect to me. I cant see it any other way.

I know him now for a couple of months..I like him..I liked him before too..but not in the way I like him now. I somehow can see my future with him..like everything..a beautiful house and marriage..cooking breakfast for each other! Loving each other..dancing romantic day in and day out..hanging out with friends!

He i snot yet ready for a relationship...when he asked me ..which he always does as he cares for my feelings and I love that about him! I lied! I lied saying that I am not yet ready whereas my heart actually tells me to just plunge into a relationship with him and be his girlfriend..

Why is my heart so ready to accept him as the guy in my life? I am already dreaming about valentinss day haha..i m such a dreamy girl

lets see what happens..I will wait for his move..

I cant let him know the secret of my heart.

The other Women in his life....




"It wasn't always me in his life….Lighting up his spirit ….Making him happy..!
...There were these other women." thought Madhu
Ajay has got what he desired..no commitment and the freedom without any guilt to romance with other women.
“I wish he told me just once..I would have been prepared..atleast given it a thought..I wish he told me before he kissed the other woman”
“I can't see him wooing her in front of my eyes..it breaks me from inside each day ..” Madhu cried and ended her relationship which left both her and Ajay in tears.
Ajay still loves Madhu but fails to understand that what they shared were some really precious moments and that he shouldn’t be hurting her ..He dances closely..flirts around..spends most of his day with the other woman. This other woman happens to be a common friend Amrita
There is this painful surge of emotions Madhu goes through whenever she looks at Ajay and Amrita..
“ I don’t want to wait for him to come home anymore..when he is late ..I have all these thoughts of him with Amrita…” Amrita is a good friend of mine and though we haven’t discussed this ..I don’t feel like talking to her much now….”
“She is six years younger to me..
“I feel maybe its her child like laugh and enthusiasm which made Ajay fall for her..she Is not shy like me..she is bold..and cute and I feel Ajay likes her physique too..”
“I don’t know what Ajay thinks of me anymore..He says e misses me a lot..and wants to see me happy.. “
“Happy I will be the day my heart heals…and I can smile ..not a forced one like it is now..but one from my heart ..where I can feel happy for both of them.
Maybe he deserves her more..than I deserve him..
Maybe its just me…. I feel the other women is his life are much better than me….”

How deep is your love ....

How deep is your love
How deep is your love
I really need to learn
'Cause we're living in a world of fools
Breakin’ us down
When they all should let us be
We belong to you and me
---- Bees-Gees(1971)

Even after three decades these lines hold so true..
Everyone wants to gossip about your relationship who is the guy..what he looks like..where is he from..what he does for a living??
haha..true we live in a world of fools...
My love for him is deep to go beyond such questions..they just don't matter..it never did..
I dont know what the future holds for us..but I do know what the next moment be..
I would cuddle up to him as he is sleeping and wake him up with kisses..and like always whisper into his ears..'I love you my sweetheart'

Trip back to my home country - August 27th 2010

I am 24 years!

Brimming full of Energy!actually mix of energies..sometimes so full of excitement that she keeps jumping around..sometimes so unbearable that she cant move..sometimes so emotional that she cries..and sometimes so crazy that she comes up with impulsive plans!
I have this craze right now..I am really tired waiting for people to join me to have fun..
I begged my boyfriend to take time out for me..but he cant..
I begged my friends..they too apologized..
Almost all my friends are married..while others are studying in different cities..
I came back to India to have fun and now I feel sooo alone!! damn I hate this feeling!

I am scared of the people in an unknown city..where will a single girl like me live..
I have always travelled with someone..sharing my excitement and joy with them!
I am nervous..yet I don't want to let myself down like this..
I have to do something..
My energy building into a small ball and getting frustratingly bigger day by day is soon going to explode!!
I have to catch someone! Do something different...I have to damn it!! do something!

..I want to break of from these holds..be myself.
the clouds are thundering outside and its just so tempting to begin my journey!!


"Running of this city life..
Running from this empty laugh..
Help Help!

Its still not tooo late..and I just want to RIDE ON!!!!

Go On Go onnnnnn..........."

~~~ It's too late - Evermore

Love.


‘It’s another day for you and me in paradise’ plays in the background..

Victor holds her hand and kisses her. He matches his moves with the rhythm of the music..slowly feeling her soft body. She stirs and craves for more..they both breathe hard over each other.


She is a very passionate woman. She craved for a lover who would pamper her. She dreamt of sleeping under the stars...of making out on a hilltop..of dancing dirty..of doing many wild and crazy things! She yearned for a man in whose arms she would peacefully go to sleep every night..and wake up besides him every morning!

Victor always loved her and she is the first girl he ever kissed.
He looks into her eyes at times, wanting to know her past and what brought her back to him. She dint love him before and one day moved away from his life. She can see his impatience but she shies away,scared that he will feel betrayed.

She did it thrice..
She did not allow him to touch her.. but she bared herself to him first..her past. Those were wild days..where she had fun kissing him in the elevator secretly. The first time it was awkward..but it felt great..and she did it again..and yet again. Her sense of guilt had vanished with time. The first time she was so ashamed that she couldn’t sleep through the night. She was partially overcome with lust and the hunger of someone desiring her...loving her with intense passion. She mistakenly thought all this would change his mind, that he might fall for her and notice her beauty. But it dint change him.


At that stage of her life she felt completely lost and betrayed.

It hurt her self esteem immensely. She spent days in remorse and anger and it seemed like a memory which could never be erased.
She has always been a strong ambitious woman. To get out of this mess, she took up tasks which would keep her busy and she vowed never to let another man touch her!

But suddenly Victor came back into her life…
And everything that she desired, she could see right there.
She wanted to leap but she was too scared to get trapped again.
He overcame her every defense with his undying love.

She tried to test him many times.
With tears in his eyes Victor confessed his love for her. He kissed her and caressed her asking her to relax and have faith in him. She had never seen so much love for her in any man’s eyes. It was like being born again with a new life and life since then has been so happy and wild with him! She loves him from her heart.

When he looks at her deep, she has contemplated many times to give in and tell the truth...
But she feels that her past brought her to him and doesn’t say anything.

I don’t know what holds him back..


What form of emotion he doesn’t understand..
He loves me and cares for me as a very close friend..
But I yearn each day that he would pop up the question..
He would say what I have been yearning to hear..
He would take me in his arms and just say those magic words..sweeping me off my feet!
I keep dreaming..and wondering..imagining how it will overwhelm me and bring tears to my eyes…

But I don’t know what holds him back..

When he looks into my eyes longer..I hold my breath..waiting to hear those words!
When he says there is a surprise..my heart stops…ohh..how it feels when that surprise turns to be something else.
It feels like a receeding pain inside of me..
When he suddenly turns to me and walks to me holding the stare..
When he calls me saying that he has something to say to me..
When he calls me online because he wants to chat about something with me..
When he calls me very night before he goes to sleep…
I wait and still wait, wishing that now!this is the moment I have been waiting for..
But alas!..Everytime..i feel the same receeding pain inside of me

I don’t know what holds him back..

I chide myself…for being too girly and overly sensitive!
I promise myself that I would not think on those lines..
But without any thought..the same pain passes through my heart..
And I have no control..then slowly I let go of that feeling..
and try to face him with a kind smile :)

Suchita's story in her own words……

My family is a total chaos…infact now I m so accoustomed to the bizarre patterns of events in my life that I get a high with all the drama!

I had learnt to live with the pain…ignoring..not realizing how it was harming me and eating into my happiness..longer period of gloominess was making me more bitter with people in my life. I saw life like a big happening drama..i myself begun to hurt myself by getting into wrong relationships…or picking up fights unnecessarily just to get a high again.

But when one looked at me…i was not that sad girl! Probably I learnt to put a smile constantly. I was lively and had a big socializing group, people liked me and I had lots of friends but something was going wrong somewhere…when I was alone I had no peace of mind..bouts of depression and terrible mood swings and nightmares overcasted me…I had to keep myself engaged..i couldn’t lie down peacefully..i had to keep running.

I drowned myself more and more into the worldly things to distract myself from all the pain..i thought it worked!

This was my thinking until he came into my life………….

He was just there initially like anyone else …I was not too conscious of his presence….
He nudged me to speak when I sat silently in the bus rides..always there besides me asking me why I am not speaking much like others or not laughing at their jokes! Why am I so gloomy and why am I not enjoying life like others!

It made me angry initially…I thought..what the hell is his problem?..i had this big ego where I couldn’t take people’s instructions and I dint care what they thought. Anyways he wasn’t someone special to me then. I was an extreme girl….laughing hysterically at one moment and then just receding quietly into my shelf the other…
But he wanted me to just enjoy my life…I wondered if he ever saw what pain really was! To me he was like a child…just born into this world..who saw life in the bright light. I yearned to see the world through his eyes.

He just smiled through those small green eyes!

I began to see the naturalness with which he lived in this world..his beliefs..no complexity..no fundaas…

I love to watch him play with kids..i love when he makes fun of me and showers me with so much attention..every small thing that bothers me ..it bothers him too!
..i love when he holds my hand into his warm hands to make that crackling sound from the bone!(but I always complain ;) …I love to see him get angry..i love the naughty smile on his face..i love to see the arrogance on his face when he speaks highly about himself! :P

Slowly his happiness and simplicity has brushed on me..i have changed..i laugh more often..the lingering insecurity in me has vanished! he is always there..be it help
with worklife..or deciding on on what to eat for dinner! 

Heard of soulmmates?
They come into your life..and bring about a complete change..they change who you are. They go through the pain and the suffering along with you…shedding tears in your pain..and rejoicing in your happiness..caring for you through and through…

Can anyone else take care of you in the same manner?..

Just as they come..they vanish away..leaving their imprints in your life.
They are not meant to stay with you forever….

I believe this is the second time when God blessed me with one!

He says that he never had a friend like me before..that he never did such things for anyone before..

He just came into my life quietly at the very moment when I was losing hope and all spheres of my life was utter chaos! I thought I was strong enough to handle it..but I was slipping slowly..i couldn’t think straight …I needed someone to hold my hand and show me how to live and work things out from scratch.

He is going to remain like a beautiful phase in my life! Who taught me to enjoy life like a child again…..